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At the risk of sounding like a terrible person, I don’t have any people to look up to. It’s because I stopped looking at the surface of an individual and fight hard to explore the parts of themselves that they share with me. That’s the baseline determination for me to see if they’re worth being an inspiration to me.
I learned quickly that you can’t uphold the total package of a person to be your inspiration. Because we’re all fantastically flawed. But you can look to the parts of them that feel aspirational for you if you choose to go down that path.
I’m really over the toxic positivity trend. I can’t believe I bought into that shit for the briefest of moments. It may have come from a good place, but the thought process isn’t practical or sustainable. And it’s seated deeply in white supremacy. Humans are complicated creatures with unpredictable emotions. We’re malleable creatures with fragile bones and skin made of meat propping us up. Why put the pressure on yourself of “good vibes only?”
So, I let myself make mistakes. I learn from them. I grow. I don’t let myself or anyone make me feel bad for not being “on” all the time. It’s tough when outside forces don’t see that. But that’s not on me, is it? I did the work. I’m tired of educating or defending myself because you’re willfully ignorant.
There has always been an inherently upbeat part of me. I don’t roll out of bed bouncing off the walls in happiness but I do go into things with a sunshine-type outlook. I tend to let things roll off my back because life’s too short to dwell for too long.
Oftentimes, my mind will go to a dark place all on its own. I can’t explain it. It’s probably an undiagnosed chemical imbalance or the effects of my lady times. I try not to let it take over my daily life. It’s not easy. I feel for those who need something medicinal to handle it but I don’t judge them for it either.
We’re all on this journey together. You gotta do what you gotta do to survive. That’s all we can ask of each other.
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