It’s the Crack of the Starting Gun That Echoes in My Head

3 min read

I’ve been working hard behind the scenes to get some projects going in the pipeline.

In case you are joining the story already in progress, I’ve had to essentially restart my professional and, by extension, my financial life within the past couple of years.

It hasn’t been easy. Brutal honesty and full transparency are what I’m all about. It shouldn’t be a secret that I’m living paycheck to paycheck. I don’t care if you judge me, or it somehow lessens my worth in your eyes, but it’s the fact of the damn matter at hand.

If anything, I’m really tired of these toothy white people telling me to do my best and I’ll succeed, just like them! It’s kinda corny. I know, I know, power of positive thinking, and all that, but I don’t know. It’s all starting to feel inauthentic to me.

Anyways, I’m fully aware that my day job and pay are not commensurate with my skills, education, and background. I knew it as soon as I accepted it but there were no options. I was desperate. But I stuck with it and my second anniversary is coming up soon. I can’t believe how quickly it came up on me.

Frankly, if it wasn’t for the support of my family and my boyfriend, I would be working two or three jobs, my mental health would be far more fractured than it already is, they probably would’ve repossessed my car, and I probably would’ve had to give my dog up a long time ago. I’m so grateful to have them in my life for emotional support, among other things.

There are only two options for me.

  1. Move on. Vegas is not kind to people with advanced degrees. You can basically come in off the street and if you know the right people, you could advance with just a high school diploma. I’ll never forget my interview at a hotel on the Strip that shall remain nameless. They seriously asked me, “what’s an MFA?” I knew then that I had screwed up for including it (not putting an advanced degree is advisable by even the best of career coaches but I’m proud of it and pride goeth before the fall), and that I would not get the job. Surprise, surprise, I didn’t.
  2. Stay where I am, create my own position, stay at my day job for as long as possible, and see what happens.

As to the second point, that’s what I’ve been doing.

Decisions, decisions

It’s been slow going. Balancing everything is stressful. Nothing is free. I’m happy to pay to use some of these tools because they’re doing what I’m trying to do too: offer a worthwhile service. But I simply do not have the funds.

I miss the old days of web design. It used to be so easy to start something, launch it, and get lots of feedback from the jump. But the environment changed and I couldn’t keep up.

The market is oversaturated now with gilded drag and drop websites who drown out the organic voices out there. You’re a drop in a bucket, no matter who you are. It’s tiring.

So I’ve been keeping myself sharp, trying to expose myself to webinars aimed at entrepreneurs, curating my feed on Instagram to follow people who are building their email lists, and trying to get inspired by what they’re doing.

There’s a lot of bloody info out there. Studying them all – even just the free stuff from their webinars – is a full-time job in itself.

The thing is, no matter what I did, I could never just sell one thing. I’m a multipotentialite. I can do a little bit of a lot, and I can do it well. Staying in my lane won’t work for me because I’ve got more than 20 lanes!

And I’m proud of that.

This is not a launch.

This is me, burning off steam. But I do feel very confident that I’ll be launching these top-secret projects in the next couple of months though. I can’t wait. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m prepared to accept the results that I’m shooting for with each.

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