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Coming clean in 2019

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So I’ve kept this a secret for awhile now because it’s embarassing. Now that it’s been completed, I feel strong enough to do so. Also, because if you can’t be real on your blog, where can ya?

I declared chapter 7 bankruptcy last year.

So how did I get here? Simple.

  1. I finished grad school. I had a good job and a decent place to live, but it was time to go home. I was missing out on a lot of the fun and the memories. Distance does NOT make the heart grow fonder.
  2. I was living paycheck to paycheck. But the nature of it isn’t financially healthy for anybody. There is a part of me that will always ache to live in California. But the cost of living is so high! Making headway on my debt – and I’m only one person! – was damn near impossible.
  3. I wasn’t feeling challenged enough professionally either. I couldn’t see myself continuing to stay in customer service after receiving my master’s degree.

I decided to risk moving back, believing that my diverse skills would be a boon to an employer.

I was wrong.

I moved back to Vegas but it took me six months of yo-yoing between grinding those applications out and unbridled depression to find a job. I depended a lot on my parents to get me through it and I’m so grateful for their support. As it was, their help – and my distinct lack of savings – wasn’t enough.

Long story short: I had to declare bankruptcy.

Thankfully my mother knew of a local law firm whose services I retained. As soon as my bill was paid up and the paperwork sorted, I had a 341 hearing set.

I arrived promptly, greeted my lawyer, and sat down to watch a few hearings beforehand. That was useful. I was able to see how it was supposed to go. Me, being a highly anxious person, needed the dress rehearsal to understand it for myself.

I was seriously in and out in 10 mins. My lawyer said in about 2.5 months I’ll get an official document saying my debt was discharged. Of course I have a metric fuckton of student loans to take care of, and one more year on my car… but having this addressed is one massive boulder off my shoulders.

I’ve also learned that the financial articles I read before this – have six months emergency fund saved, don’t quit a job unless you have another waiting in the wings, among other things – is true.

Not that I thought I was invincible. But I honestly thought that with my education and background, I’d find a job quickly.

It makes me sad how poorly education is looked on here. You can rise in the ranks of the service industry here with only a high school education. Which isn’t fair to someone like me who is willing to do the work but happens to have a great education to boot. If it gets me a foot in the door, I’ll wash dishes and work my way up. A job is a job.

It’s incredibly distressing for someone who has a love/hate relationship with this city – who sees great potential in what’s coming – can’t find SOMETHING as soon as I hit the ground running.

But they say that when something doesn’t work out it’s because you were being lead towards something better. They’re right about that too.

Anyways bankruptcy is for people who can’t get their financial situation sorted on their own anymore. I got to hear a few of the stories that people came in with at the hearing. My heart went out to them; I think they were far worse off than I was. Bankruptcy is there if you’ve exhausted every avenue and you’re tapped out. It’s an option.

Of course, your credit does take a hit and it’ll stay on your report for 7 years. I’m completely okay with that. I know what to do and what not to do. I’m preparing myself for the next step.

I hope 2019 will be good to me. I lost myself in 2018. It was a blur. Even going back and revisiting content for Best Year Ever was like, did I do that?

I’m going to get back in the swing of publishing here at unlovely.

I’m working hard behind the scenes to get City of Writers off the ground because I owe it to myself to give back to the writing community.

I’m trying to be more grateful.

I’m trying to enjoy this city that I fought to come back for. I want to see more shows. I want to try more things. Hopefully free or discounted because I ain’t made of money!

I’m going to edit and possibly self-publish Last Exit to Vegas but don’t hold me to that, haha.

Wish me luck. I hope 2019 is good to you too.

Feel free to ask questions in the comments!

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