Loving is Leaving and Coming Back Around Again

I’ve never been in love.
Not like how the poets scribble, the musicians sing,
we storytellers write bestselling novels about.
Infatuated, yes; blind, justice; obsessed, hungry.

I thought I loved my birthplace.
Rose coloured glasses and all that.
I left like a thief in the night,
Only it was day (that much I recall) –
An inauspicious Fourth of July,
Carrying passion that I thought was love in a bucket of water,
With a big fucking hole in the bottom.

In my youth, I saw all the signs.
I ignored them this time around,
Believing I was immune to it.
Immunity seems like a horrible way to explain it
And maybe there isn’t some sentimental way to define
Something that doesn’t deserve to be sentimental at all.

I am prepared to leave, two years older
Certainly not wiser because nobody is,
No amount of lying will comfort you
As this poem ends.

Loving is leaving a place you knew
A place where you shed tears
for the very atoms of your existence
As it beat your corporeal spirit into corn meal
Giving you a hide as durable as durian
– And maybe my insides smell like them too –
To be eaten by the birds tomorrow.

There will always be a tomorrow.

Author: Guilliean Pacheco

Filipina adjacent. Cinéphile. (Bad) Feminist. INFJ. Mélomaniacal. Polymath. Raconteuse. Tsundoku.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *