die. I have fine-tuned my empathic skills to the point where if just one person is having a bad day, I’ll pick up on it and it’ll ruin my day. I can’t shut myself off from emotions. I’ve had to walk away from my friends and family for long periods of time because their sadness was eating into my own happiness. I’d have to hide and work through why it was making me sad. It wasn’t their fault but I love my friends and family so much that when they hurt, I hurt too. It drags me down so far sometimes, I can’t stop myself.
I can’t handle it when they’re being emo toads because there’s nothing I can do to make it better or to help them make it better. To help the people around me be the best person they can be is my nature. When any advice I give to that person falls on deaf ears that tell me that I cannot take their pain away. Why should they be in pain? I have to fix it, no matter the great emotional cost to myself.
I’m an introvert. It’s not an excuse. It’s who I am. I’ve only now begun to understand and embrace it. I could never figure out why I was always so emotionally drained after doing something as being sociable with people I know, let alone complete strangers. My “me” time is precious. I get annoyed when that personal time is eaten up by other things, even something as simple as texting. I get annoyed if my mom texts me at the wrong time. It might not seem like it but it takes a lot out of me to be a sociable, friendly person. I have to psyche myself up to get things done. Which is also why I never go full bore at events or when I go out with friends. I make an appearance and go home as soon as possible.
That’s why I’m so drained after work. I give 250% to the detriment of myself but to the pleasure of my guests. There are some days where I will let my emotions spill onto my work, but I try to compartmentalize my two lives. I don’t like mixing the two.